Seize The Moment
by fadedelegance
Summary: Rated T for language. Jack opens up to Connie about Claire and gives her some life advice.


**Disclaimer****: Dick Wolf and NBC own "Law and Order". I don't. **

**A/N****: The idea for this fic came after reading a few sad Jack/Claire fics—with Jack mourning her death and just thinking about how much he misses her. I'm positive that neither Mike nor Connie had to say anything to Jack for him to be aware of all the sexual tension going on. LOL Anyway, I feel like Connie really sees Jack as a mentor figure, so I got to wondering what would happen if she learned about him and Claire and if Jack would give her any life advice. So that's where this fic came from. This is for all my fellow Mike/Connie shippers and fellow Jack/Claire shippers.**

**Seize the Moment**

_I will stay forever here with you, my love_

_ The softly spoken words you gave me_

_ "Even in death our love goes on"_

_ And I can't love you any more than I do_

_ People die_

_ But real love lasts forever_

_ -Evanescence, "Even in Death" _

Setting: May, 2006

Jack stood alone in his office, staring down at a picture he'd taken out of his wallet.

"I'll be there soon," he said softly to the image of Claire Kincaid he was holding. "It won't be too much longer."

"You're not going to believe this," Connie said, entering the office. "Defense just filed a motion to—"

She stopped abruptly when she noticed that Jack was staring down at something he was holding, looking very forlorn. She knew he hadn't taken in anything she'd just said.

"Hey," she said, softening and approaching him. "You've been like this all day. What's wrong?"

Jack looked up at her.

"It's not a big deal, Connie," he lied.

"Jack, it's okay," Connie said sympathetically. "Something's really hurting you. It's obvious. You haven't been yourself all day. You've been good to me since I came here, and I enjoy working with you. You're a great mentor. I care about you, Jack, so if you want to talk about it, I'll listen."

Jack sighed.

"You're a very caring person, Connie. I think that's what I respect most about you," he said.

He paused, staring down at the photo of Claire.

"She's beautiful," Connie said.

"Yeah, she was," Jack said softly.

"Was?" asked Connie.

Jack hesitated but then decided that because Connie was such a kind-hearted person, opening up to her about the love of his life could be cathartic.

"Her name was Claire Kincaid," he finally said. "She was my ADA, but she meant _so_ much more to me than that…I know what you're thinking—'Jack McCoy the skirt-chaser'."

"We all have skeletons in our closets, Jack," said Connie, immediately thinking of Marcus Woll and how she'd give anything to go back and change what happened.

"But she was different, Connie," Jack went on. "I've gone through two messy divorces, both of which were my fault because I couldn't keep it in my pants…But like I said, Claire was completely different. What I felt for her? It was the real thing…She changed me, Connie. When I fell for her, I never wanted to be a womanizer again. I was one hundred percent committed to her and _only_ her. To this day, I still don't know if I'll ever be able to love anyone the way I loved her. I know this is horrendously corny and hackneyed, but I don't know how else to say it: I didn't believe in soul mates until I met her."

"It's okay," said Connie.

"It just…happened. She walked in here, and I swear, the moment I saw her, I felt a connection. I can only hope she did, too."

"I'm sure she did."

"And…"

Here, Jack paused for a bit, willing the tears in his eyes not to fall, his pride not allowing him to get emotional in front of Connie.

When he felt he'd regained his composure, he went on.

"And sometimes it's so difficult to be thankful for the time we had together, rather than wishing she was still here…And what I will never be able to get past is the fact that I never got the chance to say the words. I never got to tell her that I loved her…"

"Oh trust me, Jack—she knew," Connie said confidently.

"How do you know that?"

"Just listening to you talk about her. There's no way she couldn't have known."

Jack's throat felt tight, so he nodded to show that he believed her.

He paused again for a moment.

Then—

"It was a car crash, you know. Some son-of-a-bitch just came out of nowhere and hit her and another of my former colleagues. He hit the driver's side. She was driving…The reason I've been so upset today is because this is the anniversary of her death. It's been ten years now, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Part of me still can't believe she's gone for good. It's like…she's just been on a long vacation, but she'll come back, you know? Or like this is just some kind of a sick joke. Every year on this day, I go visit her grave after work."

He sighed.

"No one will ever replace her. She was the love of my life…Have you ever had someone like that in your life?"

Connie sighed.

"No," she said softly.

"I'm telling you, Connie," Jack said, looking seriously at her. "If you ever find someone special, and you know that what you're feeling is the real thing, seize the moment. Seize the moment because you never know what could happen the next day."

Connie wanted to tell him that after Marcus Woll had taken it upon himself to completely humiliate her, she'd sworn off relationships—that, to her, the pain, the aggravating vulnerability, and the embarrassment weren't worth her time or energy—but instead, she decided to humor him.

"That's some great advice. I will definitely keep that in mind," she lied.

_I tried my best to never let you_

_ In to see the truth_

_ And I've never opened up_

_ I've never truly loved 'til_

_ You put your arms around me_

_ And I believe that it's easier for you_

_ To let me go_

_ I hope that you see right through my walls_

_ I hope that you catch me_

_ 'Cause I'm already falling_

_ I've never let a love get so close_

_ You put your arms around me and I'm home_

_ You put your arms around me and I'm home_

_ -Christina Perri, "Arms" _

Setting: March, 2010

Marcus Woll was going to prison. Connie would never have to see or speak to the man who'd completely humiliated her ever again. The bastard was a murderer, a chauvinist, and a manipulator, and he was _finally_ out of her life for good.

_Karma's a bitch, isn't it, Woll?_ she thought.

The moment Woll's lawyer accepted her and Mike's plea offer, Connie thought the number one thing on her mind would be her enjoyment of overturning all of Woll's convictions—but that wasn't it. She thought she'd be able to work diligently, knowing that she got to have the last laugh—but instead, she was distracted.

"_That means you two will have to work together day and night. That won't be a problem, will it?"_ Jack had said after handing her and Mike the stack of appeals.

Why did he think that would be a problem?

Unless…

Connie remembered something Woll had said to her, in an attempt to make her feel bad.

_"You're breaking someone's heart,"_ he'd said.

_"Yours?"_ she'd asked. _"I don't think so."_

_"Poor Mike Cutter,"_ he'd replied with that signature smug look on his face that made Connie want to slap him. _"He never realized you were available."_

Connie had wanted to tell him he was a liar and to go to hell, but she'd decided not to give him the satisfaction of knowing he'd gotten under her skin.

At first, she'd just thought he would've said anything to punish her for coming to her senses and dumping him, for having the nerve to help prosecute him, so she'd just assumed he was lying. But now? She wasn't so sure.

True, Mike _had_ admitted he thought she was attractive, but that didn't necessarily mean anything.

_Finding someone attractive isn't the same as being attracted to someone, _she thought.

But then there was the Kim Brody case when he said he just might have stood a chance with her in high school. Connie recalled not having thought much about that comment. She'd thought he was joking.

But now? Now, she wondered…

The way he'd acted when he was prepping her to take the stand…Now that Connie thought about it, he did sound hurt when he said he never would've imagined her and Woll together. She could also tell he was implying that she deserved much better.

No, it hadn't come out right when he'd said it, but he didn't think any less of her after finding out what had happened—and he hadn't treated her any differently. She knew he still respected her—both as a prosecutor and as a person. And had she been imagining things, or had he been stealing more glances at her than he normally did?

And then there was _that_. He _did_ have a tendency to steal glances at her.

And then there was the fact that she didn't _mind_…

He didn't think any less of her, he was completely on her side…He'd helped her put Woll in his place…It was so weird that everything happened the way it did—that the man who'd completely humiliated her turned out to be a serial killer: a serial killer she got to testify against—to prosecute, to put in prison. And who, of all people, would be the person to help her do so? Mike Cutter.

Yes, there were times when he annoyed her and times when he tried her patience, but those times were few and far between. The two of them really did work well together. She knew he valued her input, that he respected her, and that he thought she was a very intelligent and capable attorney. He also treated her like an equal.

She'd only seriously been angry with him twice—the juror debacle and the time he'd referenced the juror debacle in open court—and she'd definitely made sure he knew it. Both times he'd sincerely apologized and given her space.

He was always dedicated to every case they worked on, but this time around, he seemed especially dedicated. She could tell he was more determined to win than normal.

And unless she was quite mistaken, he didn't start giving off those vibes until after he found out about her history with Woll. She just had the feeling he was trying to win for her, which she found very moving. She felt a rush every time she thought about it.

After the whole incident with the juror, she'd wondered whether he was no different than Woll, but she knew now that that wasn't the case at all. The only thing she could think of that the two men had in common was that they were both lawyers. But now that much wasn't even true. As someone who'd just taken a plea for murder, Woll was now a felon. He would definitely be disbarred for that.

Yes, he got carried away at times, but Mike really was a good person. He was intelligent, dedicated, hard-working, a talented attorney, a force to be reckoned with in the courtroom…He treated her very well—again, respectfully and like an equal. He appreciated her. His baseball-related nervous habits were very endearing. Lately he'd really been showing how sweet he could be. She felt bad for being short with him while he was prepping her to testify. It was just that the whole ordeal was mortifying, and she really didn't want to have to relive it—especially not to him. Plus, she was acting guarded. She'd been doing that around him for a long time. After Woll, she'd sworn off relationships, telling herself it wasn't worth risking getting used, hurt, and humiliated again.

But Mike? She knew he would never do that to her. Beneath his hard-ass prosecutor exterior, he was very sweet and very endearing.

She watched him for a moment. He was currently leaning back in his chair, reading an appeal, his tie undone and his sleeves rolled up. She thought he was so handsome.

So if Jack thought the two of them working together on the pile of appeals could be a problem…did he know how Mike supposedly felt about her? That would have to mean Mike told him, and the only reason Mike would tell him is if he felt like he needed to. Why would he feel like he needed to? Unless…

_You son-of-a-bitch,_ Connie thought towards Woll.

He'd said something to Mike. He had to have. He'd probably bragged and rubbed it in as much as he could, the bastard. Connie had known for a while that he didn't see women as human beings with feelings—just as sex objects for the conquering.

She watched Mike for a bit longer.

All of a sudden, something Jack had said to her resurfaced in her mind:

"_Seize the moment. Seize the moment because you never know what could happen the next day."_

"Mike?"

Mike looked up at her.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt you."

"You're not interrupting me," Mike said honestly. "I actually keep reading the same paragraph over and over. I can't concentrate…"

"Me neither," said Connie.

They made eye contact for a moment.

"He said something to you, Mike," Connie said. "Didn't he?"

Mike looked at her for a moment, then, bringing his gaze to the floor, said, "Yeah, he did. He told me about your affair—bragged about it, actually. But that's not what got to me. What got to me is that he talked about you like you're not even a person. You're just a sex object to him. And he was so smug about it, too. It was repulsive…I'm so sorry he hurt you like that, Connie."

"That means a lot," Connie said. "Thank you…"

She paused for a moment, then said, "He said something to me, too."

Nervous, Mike sat up straight.

"What did he say?" he asked softly.

"He said that…that you never realized I'm available and that I'm breaking your heart…Jack asked us whether the two of us working together on these appeals would be a problem. Mike, why would he think that?" Connie said gently. "Did you two talk about me?"

Mike hesitated.

"Yeah, we did…" he finally admitted.

"So, it's true," Connie said. "Woll wasn't lying—for once…Mike, why didn't you tell me? Were you just going to let me be the last person to know?"

Mike sighed.

"I'm sorry, Connie," he said softly. "I'm so sorry…I didn't want to ruin our relationship. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I didn't want you to lose respect for me—more than you already have. It really matters to me what you think of me…I've tried to make this feeling go away, I really have. I've been trying since the day we met, but…I don't know if I can. I'm so sorry…You don't have to work with me anymore, you know that, right? I can't believe you're humoring me after what Woll said to you. If you want to transfer, Connie, I don't blame you at all."

"Mike, I'm not humoring you, and I don't want to transfer. I haven't lost respect for you, either. And what indications have I given you that I'm uncomfortable around you or that you've ruined our relationship? You're assuming the worst, and it's not even true," Connie said warmly.

"But what about the juror fiasco? Me referencing the juror fiasco? What about all the stupid comments I made because I couldn't keep my mouth shut: 'I might've stood a chance with you then'—'Do you have a jealousy issue'? God…"

"Mike, you know I've forgiven you. And confrontations aren't the norm for us. You know that. You're dwelling on the negative. Please don't do that," Connie said. "And put yourself in my position. You're his partner, his equal. He trusts your judgment, he respects you, and he thinks you're intelligent and capable. You're the woman he pays the most attention to. Then one day, a new woman shows up, and she's very obnoxious about her feelings for him. That's quite disconcerting," she added with a small smile.

Mike's blue eyes were wide with disbelief.

"You…you mean you _were_ jealous?" he asked. Then—"You had no reason to be," he added sweetly.

He arose from his desk, as did Connie. They approached each other and stood face-to-face.

"I'm only committed to you," Mike said, gently touching her face.

"Likewise," said Connie.

Kissing him felt more amazing than she'd imagined.

Jack had decided to see how the two of them were doing. However, he changed his mind when he looked through the windows and saw them kissing.

"Good for you, Connie," he said kindly under his breath with a smile.

With that, he turned and went back to his office.


End file.
